Berangan again 🤦‍♀️

I get know someone through tinder few days ago. Been two three days wondering about someone to text me since i gave him my number. Was expecting him to in touch with him but i forgot to ask him number before i uninstall the apps. Had to uninstall the apps due to my phone insufficient storage. During texting with him in tinder, yes i felt something felt like easy and comfortable to be in touch with him. Nothing much i knew about him. What i knew that dia ni duda dengan anak ke tak i dont know. He is 34 yo if his age on the profile is true. He said he going to fly to Tokyo after his 3 days off came back Malaysia from Beijing.  I texted him last 10 dec 2019 n its going to be either 12 dec or 13 dec he going to fly to Tokyo. When i saw his picture i felt comfortable, like he is the one for me. I dont know why i felt that way. He said he went to Kemaman often eat keropok lekor dekat Geliga. Yes, almost cry waiting for him to text me. Now i wrote here expecting perasaan ni akan hilang as soon as possible, sebabnya dah lama sangat tak rasa berharap pada lelaki sampai macam ni sekali. I dont care about his status duda walaupon along pernah cakap dia pon tak berapa okay dengan status duda once along tau kawan baik dia berkenal rapat dengan seorang duda. I just felt comfortable with him. 

I do not know

31 March 2019.
Sometimes life appear in exciting spirits and sometimes its came in the opposite. I broke up with him last few months but i still texted him and in touch with him. Yes i miss him, but i don't know why i miss him. Yeah its not like we knowing each other for long time, but yeah i missed him. He was there when i need someone to be there when im in situation where i need handle my emotion, he was there when im tired, he was there treating with care and love eventhough i annoyed him too much. He there when i need support emotionally mentally financially. But our relationship doesn't last long. I asked him for a break up. Yea might be we still in contact. But its not the same relationship anymore. Its might be my fault asking him for breakup but i dont want to cage someone else life with my traumatized life and unstable emotional. When we were in process knowing each other, he share his thought about marrying me. About build life togather. Having child and enjoy life togather. Yes im a woman with traumatize issue so i dont want that happen to another people. Thats one of the reasons why i asked for breakup. He is the first person i went out for a date. He is a good guy. I hope he will find someone that happily to fit in his life and his dreams.

Im still in process to be better. InsyaaAllah pray for me. InsyaaAllah i will be a better muslimah and a better person for everyone in my life.

Faith. Love. Hope.
Amirah